Funny December Quotes to Brighten Your Holiday

Have the holidays got you down already? Between the crowded shopping trips, family squabbles, and never-ending to-do lists, December can start to feel more stressful than cheerful. Take a quick break and give yourself a little chuckle with these hilarious quotes all about the month of December. When you’re running around like a turkey with its head cut off trying to cross everything off your list, these bits of humor will remind you to pause and enjoy the season.

After all, what’s the point of the holidays if you can’t have a little fun? So pour yourself an eggnog or a glass of wine and get ready to laugh along with these quotes all about the most wonderful time of the year. Your crazy relatives and mile-long shopping lists will still be there when you’re done, so take a moment to spread a little extra mirth this December.

Funny December Quotes

1. “December is when you’re allowed to have one cookie before dinner… every day.”

2. “Who needs mistletoe when you have a cat with sharp claws?”

3. “December: Where diets go to die.”

4. “I’m on a seafood diet this December. I see food and I eat it.”

5. “My favorite winter sport is trying to find my car in the parking lot.”

6. “December is the month where my bed and I become best friends.”

7. “New Year’s resolution: Survive December!”

8. “The only snowflake that’s the same is the one that fell inmy coffee.”

9. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!”

10. “December: The month of shopping, shoveling, and shivering.”

11. “Why do we never tell secrets on a farm in December? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!”

12. “My favorite winter activity is going back inside where it’s warm.”

13. “In December, the only thing getting lit should be the fireplace.”

14. “Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Well, most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.”

15. “I’m not saying I’m a Grinch, but I have an unhealthy obsession with sweaters.”

16. “December: The only time of year when it’s acceptable to use your oven for storage.”

17. “I’m so cold, I’m shivering like a snowflake in a blizzard.”

18. “Why do elves make terrible spies? Because they always end up in the cookie jar!”

19. “December: The month where socks become the most coveted gift.”

20. “All I want for Christmas is a nap… and maybe a million dollars.”

21. “I’m not fat, I’m just fluffy… from all the holiday treats.”

22. “When in doubt, add more glitter.”

23. “I’m on a roll this December… a cinnamon roll.”

24. “Why did the snowman call the police? Because there was a snow blower coming down the street!”

25. “In December, calories don’t count… right?”

26. “Who needs mistletoe when you have a plate of cookies?”

27. “December: Where pants go to die and stretchy pants come to life.”

28. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear… or just bake cookies.”

29. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”

30. “Keep calm and jingle on.”

31. “In December, I’m like a kid in a candy store… if the candy store sells cookies.”

32. “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.”

33. “I’m not saying I’m a Christmas elf, but I’ve never been seen in the same room as one.”

34. “December: The month of hot cocoa and warm hearts.”

35. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”

36. “Why was the math book sad in December? Because it had too many problems.”

37. “December: The month of gingerbread houses and extra pounds.”

38. “I’m on the nice list… most of the time.”

39. “I’m just here for the cookies and the cocoa.”

40. “December: Where diet plans go to hibernate.”

41. “I’m not a Grinch, I’m just Grinch-ish.”

42. “When life gives you snow, make snow angels.”

43. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms in December? Because they make up everything!”

44. “I’m not saying I’m a procrastinator, but my Christmas lights are still up from last year.”

45. “December: The month of joy, love, and accidentally wrapping yourself in lights.”

46. “I’m in a committed relationship with my blanket and Netflix.”

47. “Why did Santa go to music school in December? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills!”

48. “December: Where it’s acceptable to wear a blanket as a coat.”

49. “I’m on a seafood diet this December. I see food, and I eat it.”

50. “Dear December, please be kind. Sincerely, someone who’s cold.”

51. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can eat all the holiday treats without feeling judged by my nutritionist.”

52. “I love December because it’s the one month of the year where I can wear a ridiculous holiday sweater and not be questioned.”

53. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can avoid all holiday parties by claiming I have a ‘prior commitment’ to my Netflix queue.”

54. “December is the month of trying to avoid getting roped into another round of Secret Santa at the office.”

55. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can eat all the holiday treats without feeling judged by my yoga instructor.”

56. “I love December because it’s the one month of the year where I can drink hot cocoa and not be judged for it.”

57. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can avoid all holiday stress by claiming I have a ‘prior commitment’ to my couch.”

58. “December is the month of trying to avoid getting stuck under the mistletoe with that one overly enthusiastic friend.”

59. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can eat all the holiday treats without feeling judged by my personal trainer.”

60. “I love December because it’s the one month of the year where I can wear a Santa hat and not be questioned.”

61. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can avoid all holiday parties by claiming I have a ‘prior commitment’ to my bed.”

62. “December is the month of trying to avoid getting roped into another round of caroling with the neighbors.”

63. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can eat all the holiday treats without feeling judged by my scale.”

64. “I love December because it’s the one month of the year where I can drink eggnog and not be judged for it.”

65. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can avoid all holiday stress by claiming I have a ‘prior commitment’ to my Netflix queue.”

66. “December is the month of trying to avoid getting stuck under the mistletoe with that one overly affectionate relative.”

67. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can eat all the holiday treats without feeling judged by my nutritionist.”

68. “I love December because it’s the one month of the year where I can wear a ridiculous holiday sweater and not be questioned.”

69. “I’m dreaming of a December where I can avoid all holiday parties by claiming I have a ‘prior commitment’ to my Netflix queue.”

70. “December is the month of trying to avoid getting roped into another round of Secret Santa at the office.”

hilarious December Quotes

The holidays are a time for laughter and cheer. What better way to spread some joy than with funny quotes about December? Here are a few of our favourites:

Classic Quotes from Comedians

“I hate the radio this time of year. I keep getting run over by Christmas music.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

Witty Wordplay

“Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? Because you do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge

Seasonal Sarcasm

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”

Quips from Social Media

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” — Bob Hope

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”

This season, spread joy and laughter with these funny December quotes. Laughter is contagious, so share a few chuckles with friends and family. After all, ’tis the season to be jolly!

Hilarious Quotes About the Holiday Season

The holidays are a time for laughter and cheer. What better way to spread some holiday joy than with a few hilarious quotes about the season?

Deck the halls…with humor!

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall, wrestling with the decorative lighting for the house, and gaining 10 pounds in three weeks from all the fudge and candy canes.” – Dave Barry

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Unknown

The frenzy of shopping, cooking, cleaning and entertaining can really wear you down. Don’t forget to take some time for yourself this season. As the great Coco Chanel said, “I don’t do fashion. I am fashion.” Replace “fashion” with “holidays” and make that your mantra!

Keep your cool and your sense of humor

The holidays often mean crowded stores, traffic jams and never-ending to-do lists. But staying lighthearted and keeping things in perspective can help reduce stress and increase enjoyment. Laughter is the best medicine, so take a deep breath and remember these quotes. May your days be merry and bright!

Funny December Weather Quotes

Nothing brightens up the chilly days of December quite like some humor. These funny quotes about the month of December and its mercurial weather are sure to make you chuckle.

“Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.” — Author Unknown

So true! We’re never satisfied with the temperature, are we?

• “December gift idea: cashmere sweaters for dogs.” — Les Barker

Spoil your furry friends this season too!

• “The winter seemed interminable, a kind of grim joke, with its false starts and teasing thaws.” — Wallace Stegner

The erratic weather in December is enough to drive anyone a little crazy. Warm one day, freezing the next!

• “It is officially winter when the radiator is warmer than the rest of the house.” — J. Aleksandr Wootton

Nothing quite like curling up next to the radiator for warmth in an old, drafty house.

• “There’s just something about December that makes me feel cozy.” — Tom Holt

Despite the chill, there’s something comforting about bundling up with a warm drink.

• “This holiday season, let’s make it a point to slow down and enjoy the simple things. Like freezing rain, overcrowded shopping malls, and long airport delays.” — Andy Borowitz

A little tongue-in-cheek humor to remind us it’s not all sugar plums and candy canes this time of year!

The unpredictable weather may be frustrating, but with the right attitude (and maybe a splash of spiced rum in that cocoa), December can still inspire feelings of coziness and cheer. Hopefully these amusing quotes on winter in all its chilly glory brightened your day and brought a smile to your face. The holidays will be here before you know it, so take a moment to appreciate the simple pleasures of this season.

Humorous Quotes About Christmas Preparations

The holidays are meant to be a fun, festive time of year but let’s face it—all the preparations can drive you a little batty. When you’re up to your eyeballs in gift wrapping, baking cookies, and untangling string lights, a good laugh is desperately needed. These humorous quotes about the madness of Christmas preparations will have you chuckling in solidarity.

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want for Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Christmas shopping. Never an easy or inexpensive task.” – Roy Blount Jr.

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” — Unknown

“I don’t know who’s more excited for Christmas break, me or my credit card.” — Unknown

Take a deep breath—the holidays will be over before you know it. In the meantime, don’t forget to pause and enjoy the simple moments of laughter and joy. And when the stress starts to feel like too much, just remember—those tangled string lights and burnt cookies will seem funnier someday. Probably around January 2nd.

Amusing December Quotes From Movies and TV Shows

The holidays are a perfect time to bring some humor and levity to the season. Movies and TV shows often have some amusing quotes about December that are sure to brighten your day and bring a smile. Here are a few of our favorites:

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,

Just like the ones I used to know,

Where the treetops glisten

and children listen

To hear sleigh bells in the snow.”

—White Christmas (1954)

This classic Irving Berlin tune from the movie White Christmas perfectly captures the nostalgia and coziness of the holidays. Singing along to Bing Crosby’s velvet tones is sure to lift your spirits.

“Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.”

—The Polar Express (2004)

The magical Polar Express reminds us of the wonder and possibility of the Christmas season. This poignant quote inspires us to keep the holiday spirit in our hearts.

“Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.” —Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

The original Miracle on 34th Street teaches us the true meaning of Christmas—that it’s about faith, generosity and goodwill. This quote reminds us to carry the Christmas spirit with us all season long.

“God bless us, every one!” —A Christmas Carol (1843)

The timeless Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens gave us this famous quote. Spoken by Tiny Tim, it’s a simple but powerful message of hope, togetherness and good cheer.

The holidays are meant for making cherished memories with loved ones. Curling up on the couch to watch a favorite Christmas movie or TV special is the perfect way to relax, laugh and spread the warmth of the season. Hopefully these amusing quotes have brought a bit of mirth and merriment to your December!

Conclusion

So there you have it, 70 funny quotes about December to brighten your holiday season and bring some extra cheer. Laughter is the best medicine, after all, and with the craziness of the holidays upon us, we could all use an extra dose. Hopefully these quotes gave you a chuckle and helped take the edge off any stress or anxiety you may be feeling.

Remember not to take yourself or the season too seriously. Pour yourself an extra glass of eggnog, turn up the holiday tunes, and enjoy this wonderful time of year. The presents will get wrapped, the cookies will get baked, and before you know it another December will have come and gone. Make the most of each moment and have yourself a very merry holiday season!

Also Read: 85 Funny November Quotes (Funniest, Jokes, Quirky)