With all the things going on lately, we all have realized how important it is to have something to laugh about. Although that’s normal, life can be tough and challenging sometimes. That’s when we all need some funny dark humor jokes to burst out into laughter.
Dark humor jokes may not be the best to crack in front of your family or coworkers. But they are the best way to giggle with your closest friends or girlfriend. Dark jokes are not for everyone. But, there is no harm in laughing if you got lucky enough to understand any.
One can not deny that we live in a toxic world where people need laughter therapy very often to relax. If you are looking for some jokes to make the entire room laugh hard then try these dark humor jokes. If these jokes make you laugh out loud that means you are much smarter than others in the room.
Best Dark Humor Jokes
Take a look at these super hilarious and dark humor jokes to find out who is the happy-go-lucky genius in the room.
1. I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
2. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
3. Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
4. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
5. My buddy died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “B Positive,” but it’s hard without him.
6. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
7. What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens? Woof
8. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
9. “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.” – George Carlin
10. When my uncle Frank died, he needed his ashes to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His final wish was, to be Frank in Stein.
11. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
12. “Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.”
13. Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
15. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepared their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
16. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffins.
17. Did you hear the joke about Dark Matter? It’s going to swallow us whole one day.
18. What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
19. Gen Z should change their name to… quaran-teens.
20. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
21. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
22. What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal? Sixty million years.
23. My daughter asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
24. My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2, He never talks about it.
25. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
26. “I work with animals,” the man says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals.
Where do you work?”
“I’m a butcher,” he says.
27. What did the cow say to the leather chair? “Hi, Mom!”
28. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
29. I have a joke about quarantine, but I don’t know if you’ll get it. It’s an inside joke.
30. What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground
31. What’s pink and dangerous for your tooth? A brick.
32. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
33. I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. They flu over your head.
34. What do you call people who use the rhythm method of contraception? Parents.
35. Wife: “I want another baby” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”
36. If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
37. I have a fish that can break dance. Just for 20 seconds though and only once.
38. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
39. My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
40. My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. The only problem is we already have three.
Funny Dark Humor Jokes
41. My friend said that it would be on his own accord if he went off a cliff. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
42. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my younger sister.
43. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
44. People with Covid have very bad taste!
45. I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
46. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
47. I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
48. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face-off in the corner.
49. Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
50. Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
51. What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus is full of children.
52. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
53. An apple a day keeps the doctor away…Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
54. I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
55. For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
56. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
57. My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
58. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
59. The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in.
60. A child molester and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
61. I started crying when dad was cutting tomatoes. tomatoes was such a good dog.
62. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.
63. What did the husband say after he was caught masturbating to an optical illusion?
64. Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
65. Where did Sharon go during the bombing?
66. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
67. A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
68. What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler.
69. Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
70. Life is like a peepee It’s often hard for no reason
71. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
72. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
73. “Alexa, why am I still single?!” *Alexa activates the front camera.*
74. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
75. Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me Steven.”
76. My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”
77. Imagine when you walked into a bar and there was a lengthy line of individuals ready to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
78. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick.
79. What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
80. I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing because I was homeschooled.
Dark Jokes By Comedians
81. “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
82. “A man goes to the doctor for a check-up, and the doctor exams him and says ‘I’ve got bad news, you’ve got cancer and Alzheimers.’ The man goes ‘Thank God I don’t have cancer!’” – Gilbert Gottfried
83. “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin
84. “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.” – Billy Crystal
85. “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Joan Rivers
86. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
87. “If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright
88. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason
89. “I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s day…Chlamydia” – Frankie Boyle.
90. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
91. “Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr
92. “After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same [jerk] I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.” – Robin Williams
93. “I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.” – Chris Rock
94. “If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.” – Jonathan Winters
95. “I intend to live forever or die trying.” — Groucho Marx
96. “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” – Milton Berle
97. “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel brooks
98. “I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.'” – Amy Schumer
99. “I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.” – Anthony Jeselnik
100. “I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.” – Dave Attell
101. “My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – ’til the accident” – Jimmy Carr
Dark humor jokes can be tough to understand but when you understand, there’s a laugh flood. If you know a joke which is really dark in nature, please tell us in the comments. We will add it to this list.
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