50 Nautical Navy Jokes That Will Float Your Boat
You’ve been feeling a little blue lately, and could use a pick-me-up. Something to lift your spirits and put the wind back in your sails. Well, drop anchor and prepare to come about, because we’ve got 50 nautical navy jokes that are sure to float your boat. These sailor-approved gags will have you keeling over with laughter. Whether you’re in the navy yourself or just appreciate some maritime merriment, these quips are comedy gold. So man your stations, batten down the hatches, and get ready to set sail on a joke-filled journey over the bounding main. By the time we make port, your belly will be aching from hours of hilarity on the high seas.
Anchors Aweigh! Setting Sail With Hilarious Navy Jokes
- Why did the Navy officer bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
- Why did the sailor become an archaeologist? Because he wanted to explore new depths!
- How did the sailor fix his computer? He turned it off and on ship again!
- What do you call a sailor who can’t swim? Bob!
- Why did the sailor go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw a-buoys!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? Nothing, it just waved!
- How do you know if a sailor is good at poker? He can keep a straight face, even when his ship is sinking!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the grocery store? Because he wanted to reach the high seas!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s “R,” but it’s actually the “C”!
- Why did the sailor join the choir? He wanted to hit the high C’s!
- What do you call a sailor who’s always telling jokes? A sea-comedian!
- How do you make a napkin sail the seven seas? You fold it into a paper boat!
- Why did the sailor bring a pencil and paper to the gym? He wanted to do some naval exercises!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? Nothing, it just gave him a big “sea” hug!
- Why did the sailor get a sunburn? Because he forgot to apply ship-screen!
- How do you greet a sailor on their birthday? “Happy berthing day!”
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the baseball game? He wanted to climb the outfield wall!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? “Long time no sea!”
- Why did the sailor join the circus? He wanted to be a high-wire sea-lion!
- How does a sailor like his coffee? Seamen!
- Why did the sailor bring a blanket to the beach? Because he wanted to catch some z’s!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of sandwich? A sub-marine!
- Why did the sailor become a musician? He wanted to play the trident!
- How do you catch a fish that’s in the Navy? With a depth charge!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of math? Subtraction!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the concert? He wanted to be in the front row!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? “You float my boat!”
- How do sailors communicate with each other? They use sailor-ites!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the soccer game? He wanted to climb the goalpost!
- What do you call a sailor who’s good with computers? A cyber-sea-man!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the dance party? He wanted to make some high tides!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of cookie? Ship ahoy!
- Why did the sailor become a gardener? He wanted to grow seaweed!
- How do you calm down an angry sailor? You give him some anchor management!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of dessert? Navy bean ice cream!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the theater? He wanted to be in the balcony!
- What do you call a sailor who likes to play golf? A tee-riffic seafarer!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the party? He wanted to raise the roof!
- How do you know if a sailor is good at basketball? He can make a splash with his shots!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of bird? A seagull!
- Why did the sailor become an astronaut? He wanted to explore the space-sail!
- How do sailors stay in shape? They do navy workouts!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? “You’re a-shell of a person!”
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the coffee shop? He wanted to reach the high grounds!
- What do you call a sailor who’s always late? Captain Tardy!
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the zoo? He wanted to climb the monkey bars!
- How do you make a sailor happy? Give him a yacht of presents!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? “You’re a wave-tastic person!”
- Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the park? He wanted to see the sea-saw!
Man the lifeboats, we’re in for some choppy comedy waters!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine! (-) What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta. (-) Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
Those are just a few of the silly jokes sure to float your boat. But we’ve only just left port – there are plenty more where those came from!
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
- What stays in the corner but travels all around the world? A stamp.
Ready to dive deeper into the comedy waters? Batten down the hatches, a storm of laughs is headed your way!
•How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
•What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
•Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
Whether you’re a salty sea dog or a comedy landlubber, these hilarious navy jokes are sure to float your boat and leave you laughing until you’re shipwrecked! Anchors aweigh, thanks for sailing the comedy seas with us!
Man Overboard! Jokes About Life on a Navy Ship
If you’ve ever spent time aboard a Navy ship, you know there’s never a dull moment. The jokes and pranks alone will have you in stitches.
Man Overboard!
When someone yells “man overboard!,” you better hope it’s not you they’re talking about. According to Navy tradition, any sailor who falls overboard becomes the butt of many jokes. After all, how do you fall off a ship in the middle of the ocean? Klutz! The unlucky sailor will be teased with phrases like:
- Did the fish throw you back yet?
- Did you remember to pack your water wings?
- We were going to mount a rescue operation, but we didn’t want to inconvenience the sharks.
Of course, it’s all in good fun. Sailors have to find ways to entertain themselves during long voyages at sea. Pranks and jokes, at someone else’s expense, unfortunately, come with the territory.
Head On A Swivel
You’ve got to have your head on a swivel on a Navy ship. Not just to avoid accidents, but to dodge the pranks of your fellow sailors as well. Some popular tricks to watch out for include:
- Greasing doorknobs and handrails. You’ll be slipping and sliding all over the place.
- Short sheeting bunks. When you climb into bed, you’ll find the sheets tightly tucked in, giving you about 6 inches of space. Sweet dreams!
- Switching shower knobs to dispense red paint or grease instead of water. Nothing like an impromptu paint job!
Life at sea isn’t always smooth sailing. But with the right sense of humor, you’ll fit right in. Just be on alert and watch your back. When it comes to Navy jokes and pranks, no one is safe. You’ve been warned!
Admiral-Ble Humor: Jokes for Navy Officers
The high seas call for humor to lighten the mood during long deployments. Naval officers have come up with some clever quips over the years.
What’s the difference between a fairy tale and a sea story?
A fairy tale begins “Once upon a time…” while a sea story begins “This is no s**t…”
Why does the Navy install red and green running lights on their vessels?
So they can run even when the smoking lamp is out.
Why do Navy ships have names?
So the officers can remember what to call them. The crew doesn’t care what it’s called, they just want to get off.
An ensign had the deck watch on a cold, foggy night.
The captain came up and asked, “How’s visibility?”
The ensign replied, “I can’t see a damn thing, sir.”
The captain then asked, “Then what keeps you from ramming other ships?”
The ensign replied, “The fact that I can’t see any other ships prevents me from ramming them, sir!”
A chief petty officer asked his sailors why they joined the Navy.
One replied: “To visit distant lands.”
Another said: “To find adventure on the high seas.”
The third one said: “I didn’t have a choice, my father said it was this or the circus.”
Why do officers like coffee and enlisted prefer beer?
Coffee makes you think that staying awake is a good thing. Beer helps you forget that sleeping isn’t an option.
Enlisted Laughter: Funny Jokes for Sailors
Enlisted sailors always appreciate a good laugh, especially when they’re out at sea for months at a time. Here are a few nautical-themed jokes sure to float your boat.
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s two tired!
How do crazy sailors get to shore? They use the psycho ferry!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine! (Say it out loud—it works!)
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
What stays in the corner but travels all around the world? A stamp!
Why do gorillas make terrible storytellers? They only have one tale!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
What do you call a fake potato? A spudnik!
Why are teddy bears never hungry at bedtime? They already had their bear snacks!
When do you go at red and stop at green? When you’re eating a watermelon!
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
Davy Jones’ Joker Locker: Nautical Puns and Naval Wordplay
Some of the best nautical jokes involve puns and plays on naval terms. Get ready to groan at these cheesy wordplays that will have you abandoning ship.
Davy Jones’ Locker
Davy Jones, according to naval legend, was the spirit of the sea. His “locker” referred to the bottom of the ocean, where drowned sailors would go.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender serves him a beer. A neutrino walks into a bar.
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? It’s two tired!
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
A termite walked into a bar and said, “Is the bar tender here?”
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks him if he needs any help with his luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m traveling light.”
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
Conclusion
So there you have it, 50 of the finest nautical jokes to tickle your funny bone. Hopefully you found a few gems in there that made you chuckle. Laughter is the best medicine, after all, even for landlubbers. If you enjoyed this seafaring humor, share it with your fellow sailors or anyone else who appreciates a good laugh. And if these jokes left you wanting more, don’t worry – there’s an endless sea of nautical nonsense out there. Until next time, fair winds and following seas! Now get back to swabbing the deck, ye scurvy dogs!
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Cecilia Wayua is a talented content writer and motivational author, who is passionate about helping others overcome their challenges and achieve their full potential. With a deep understanding of psychology and self-help topics, Cecilia is able to offer valuable insights and practical advice to her readers and clients.
