Looking to add some spice and laughter to your relationship? Look no further than our collection of 50 dirty jokes for him! Whether you’re looking to break the ice or just want a good laugh, these jokes are sure to get a rise out of your partner. From raunchy one-liners to cheeky puns, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and get ready for some naughty humor that’s sure to bring you closer together.
Dirty Jokes for him
- What do you call a woman who won’t have sex with her husband? A frigid b*tch!
- What do you call a woman with two vaginas? A two-hole wonder!
- What do you call a man who can’t get it up? Imp*tent!
- What do you call a woman with three brea*ts? A three-breasted wh*re!
- What do you call a pregnant woman who isn’t married? An accident waiting to happen!
- What do you call an older woman who still sleeps with younger men? A cougar!
- What do you call an elderly couple that still has s*x? Nailing granny and grandpa!
- What’s the best way to describe a blow job? Gunna be a little messy but totally worth it.
- How do you make your girlfriend scream during s*x? Phone her and tell her you’re coming over.
- What do you call a man who masturbat*s too much? A self-ab*ser!
- What do you call a man with a small pen*s? A micro-peni*s!
- What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A golf ball is easy to find.
- How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Call her mom and ask her how she’s doing.
- Why is a man like a co*dom?
Because they’re both not really needed but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
- How do you know when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of the road!
- How do you make a woman climax?
- Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year!
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies? Snowballs.
- What’s the difference between a terrorist and a blonde? – You can negotiate with a terrorist.
- What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virg*n mobile.
- How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler.
- What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking, I haven’t even touched you yet.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What did one pen*s say to the other? Hey, we’re having a No-Ball game today!
- What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be one hell of a blow j*b!
- What did one lesb*an vampire say to the other lesb*an vampire? See you next month!
- What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!
- A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve m*nors.” The man replies, “But I’m not a minor! I’m 22!” The bartender says, “Yeah, but you only have one kidney.”
- What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? I haven’t even peeled yet!
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket!
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- How does a pirate make his money? By selling b*oty stocks!
- What did the elephant say to the na*ed man? It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?
- What did one bo*b say to the other bo*b? If we don’t get support soon people are going to think we’re nuts!
- What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? I’m just a fruit!
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It’s gonna take me a while to get hard, you know what I mean?
- How can you tell if a girl is a vi*rgin or not? She’ll still be in the same spot when you turn off the lights.
- Why did God give men peni*es? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
- Why do fa*ts stink? So deaf people can enjoy them too!
- Why did God create man before woman? He wanted someone to blame it all on!
- What did the elephant say to his girlfriend after s*x? That was great for an elephant, but how was it for you?
- What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this shit!
Tips for Telling a Good Dirty Joke
It takes a certain level of comfort to be able to tell a dirty joke without feeling embarrassed or like you’re crossing a line. If you want to add some humor and spice to your relationship, here are a few tips for telling a good dirty joke:
- Make sure the joke is actually funny. A lot of times, people try to be edgy or shock value with their jokes, but end up just coming across as crass or offensive. If you’re not sure whether or not the joke will be funny, err on the side of caution and don’t tell it.
- Be aware of your audience. Not everyone is going to appreciate a dirty joke, so it’s important to gauge the person you’re telling the joke to before proceeding. If they seem uncomfortable or offended, stop immediately.
- Keep it lighthearted. A good dirty joke shouldn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable or put them on the spot; it should just be something that makes everyone laugh. Avoid jokes that are graphic or overly sexual in nature, as those can often cross the line into being inappropriate.
- Timing is everything. Make sure the timing of your joke is appropriate for the situation; for example, don’t blurt out a dirty joke in the middle of a serious conversation. Also be aware of how long you’ve been talking to someone before telling a dirty joke; if you just met them, it’s probably best to wait until you know them
With these 50 dirty jokes for him, you can have a good time with your partner and help build a strong bond between the both of you. Not only do they help to lighten up the mood after a stressful day full of work, but they also show that you still care about each other and are willing to share some laughter together. So don’t be afraid to crack some jokes – who knows what else it might lead too!
Share one of the above funny and dirty jokes, with your husband, or partner. I am sure that these dirty jokes for him will help you to start a fresh communication and make a move in your relationship.
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